orelse

Well here it is the end of the week, Friday and I am certainly glad of that.  One roller coaster ride after another.  Sick grandbabies, hospital stays, moving family members, truck may or may not be mine (but that alone is a whole different story).  Feeling the crunch finally of being laid off.  Just glad I had time to prepair myself and all my finanical obligations before it hit.  But all in all, a good week I guess.  I would hate to see a bad week.  LOL

One thing about losing weight, here at the end of the week I can relax from looking for work and the other pressures the regular week brings on but with weight loss it is 24/7 with no rest, just short breaks but nothing much more.  But that is alright.  Weekends I usually have to work a bit harder at maintaining my eating and especially during the winter months.  You can’t always get outside ont eh weekends to do anything so a lot of t.v. watching and of course snacking comes into play.  I try to snack on fruits or raw veggies but I am only human sometimes I snack on thoise sweet little morsels of styrofoam called “rice cakes” but a person can only take so much of them.  I will give into a guilty pleasure from time to time but not often.  I think we have to give in order to maintain control.

Well I am going to close for now.  We are heading out of town for the weekend so that is another  hurdle with my food processing.  Luckily we are going to relatives so I can watch what I eat  a little easier.  I will be back to ramble  on come Monday.  Maybe regaling my weekend antics and have a few adventers to spin.  Ya have a good weekend and a great journey. 

I did pretty good yesterday as for my eating.  I had a light breakfast, light lunch and then..BANG…I stumped my toe on supper.  We decided to go eat out and usually I do good choosing what to eat.  I have discovered that most places will allow half portions and quite frankly I have reached teh age where a full portion is too much.  I was however taught as a child to clean my plate so, I do that.  Even when I am already stuffed beyond words I will clean my plate cause of all the “starving kids in Africa” as my  mother would put it.  So I started ordering half portions and I do just fine.  However, last night was a puzzle, how do you order half portions at an all you can eat buffet????  Alright then, you see my quaqmire.  I am not a big buffet person.  I am one of those who feels that if you are going to eat out then you shouldn’t have to serve yourself.  I want my food delivered to me in a timely manner after I have made my selection off the menu.  It is not appealing to me to have to get up, tote my plate and then look out over the sea of food that is prepared, sitting there on top of a steam table while hundreds of folks help themselves.  I once watched a guy sample the food at a buffet.  Normally it would not have bothered me but when he was replacing the spoons back in the serving trays after having taken a bite I decided then and there that buffets are not for me.  But last night was different, my wife wanted to go and since it was early I figured the food would be somewhat fresh and hopefully un-tasted by the clients!  I was right, we was first there.

But you know eating out has pitfalls and traps all the the way.  Which means we have to watch closely how we eat.  I have to ask myself everytime, Do I need the extra large chicken freid steak or will the regular one work.  Do I really need the 2 combo meat platter at the B-B-Q house or will the one meat work?  While I love a good chicken fried steak and being from Texas I love b-b-q I have had to make compromises for my guilty pleasures.  A small chicken fry is enough to get me full, granted it is fried and full of grease and all but it is so dang good makes you wanna jump.  But I only have once in a while maybe every 2 months or so.  B-B-Q, well I could eat it everyday but I would over do so I keep it down to once a month.  We eat out weekly and I usually have the fish or chicken baked or the small steak rare, lots of veggies, no potatoes and no bread and no dessert.  I do like ice tea but I use a sweetner sub, honey if I can get it is preferred.  But it all boils down to one thing, COMMON SENSE.  You have to use that thing between your ears when you are losing weight and eating out.  Cause if you go willy nilly into the night you are gonna so regret it come morning.  I know cause I am right now.  Who says if you eat Chinese in an hour you are going to be hungry? 

Well since I am already running behind I am going to close, I know you are thrilled about that but I got too many irons in the fire to chit chat all day.  I hope we all ahve a grat day and a great journey.  See ya!

Food Log

Exercise Log

I just got word that I am not going to be covered under my wife’s group insurance paln at her work. Since I lost my job I have no health coverage. I take a couple of maintenance meds that without insurance co-pay are going to be tough to cover. Anyway, When I lost my job my company sent me a proof of coverage declaration so I could get health coverage under my wife’s plan. Turned everything in on time. Left no stone un-turned. I mean I covered all bases or so I thought. A couple of days ago I got the word that I had been denied coverage and they offered no explantion. So I started calling and here is what I found out.

State agencies have an option and the private sector may have the same I don’t know but I was told that State agencies have this option. It falls under the HIPPA control thing. If it isn’t at enrollment time and an employee wants to add a spouse or child to thier plan and that person does not meet certain guide lines that the provider has set then they can deny that person coverage. However, if it is at enrollment time there is no problem they HAVE to accept them regardless. I was denied for one simple reason, I am too short for my weight or as the lady at the insurance company said, “Your height and weight aren’t in proportion!”

Well needless to say I was kind of shocked. It has always been my understanding that a group plan had to accept you regardless. But that is not the case now. Things have changed. Well the other end of the phone went dead silent when I said, “so what you are telling me is that since I am short and fat I can not get coverage for my medical issues.” The silence was deafing. Then she muttered these words, “Well I wouldn’t say it exactly like that but yes that is the reason.” Then when I mentioned something about it being a little discriminating she got nervous sounding and said, “Well I really do not think we need to go to that level. I am just stating what I was told was the reason.” I am a firm believer in what is good for one is good for another so I said. “Well, what if I want to go to that level? Where would a person go next? I would like to track this out find out what idiot set this up. Mam’ I know it wasn’t you and I am not upset at you but if you could give me some guidenace I would appreciate it.” She said that as long as I promised to give her name she would help me out. Just before I got on here I got an email from her telling me where I need to look next. So I am going to check this out and see what I can find.

I like everyone. It don’t don’t matter if you are black, brown, tall, short, thin, fat, Christian or Atheist. Treat me with respect and I will return that respect. But I am getting a little tired of all the junk about discrimination and being politically correct about everything except, FAT people. We count too you know. We vote, we spend, we volunteer and do other things just like the so called “normal” people do but we get discrimated against repeatedly. Some people didn’t like Merry Christmas so it was changed to Happy Holiday, the black community wanted to be called Afro Americans, Indians wanted to be called Native Americans and so on. Well, what about people of weight. We want the same thing, equality. I want to be able to ride the coaster at the amusement park. I want to fly without having to feel like a sardine for 3 hours. I want to be able to have group coverage insurance.

Alright I will shut up. If I offended anyone I apologize sincerely. I just get so worked up about things like this that sometimes I speak before I think. I think we can all assocaite ourselves with the basis of what I am saying. I do not begrudge anyone for getting a better spot in life but if one group of people can have the respect and equal treatment they want, shouldn’t we all have the same privialge? Ya have a great day and a good journey.

Food Log

I remembered when I came here before one of my favorite past times was writing in this blog.  Now it may not have been one your favorite things to have to wade through one of my long and sensless ramblings but never the less it was mine.  Just to fore warn ya, this ain’t no different.

Writing here allows me to focus on something other than FOOD and losing weight.  I get the opportunity to ovice myself and declare openly that I am a FAT guy and I want to change.  A friend of mine siad people like me and the ones who come here are nothing but a bunch of whiners.  We are still friends but he has a better grasp of what is going on here now.  A whiner is someone who airs his problems to who ever will listen, hmmmm.  Kind of like here.  But the difference is, WE are not standing idlly by doing nothing.  We are aggessively working towards a goal.  We are all trying to lose weight and make us better people.  Well, more healthy people anyway, I think we are already pretty good folks here.  But whiners we ain’t!

Something else that occured to me while at the store.  When I wrote I felt better about me and that is key in losing weight.  Actually it is key to self assurance.  FAT people take tremendous amounts of self doubt.  I do not think we mean to but we do.  There are probably thousands of different reasons as to why FAT people ahve a slugish self ego.  Mine comes from lack of, lack of seld control, lack of will power and lack of self control.  Mainly though, I do not like I how feel physically.  I am tired all the time, I have various aches and pains (some of that is from being 50 and having had a somewhat adventerous life). 

I hope I am not offending anyone by using the “F” word, you know, FAT.  I use the wrod FAT in place of the following words, BIG BONED, FLUFFY, CHUBBY, CHUNKY, PORTLY AND OBESE.  These words are just too cute for what I am.  I am FAT and that is that.  I also do not use the wrod Obese because it sounds too much like “Old Beast” and while I may be grumpy before my first morning cup of coffee I am in no manner a beast.  However there are those who will beg to differ!  So if I offend you withusing the word FAT instead one of the more kind words, I do apologize but on the other hand you do not have to read what I write.  This is basically for my benefit and if you chose to rad then that is good also.

Well, I have managed to keep away the beast one more time so I will close for now.  Who knows I may be back later, one can never tell for sure.  Anyway, have a good day.

Food Log

Exercise Log

How frequnetly we return to what is comfortable and freindly after having left without so much as a farewell.  That is right I am back, again.  I am back still FAT and still trying to do something about it.  I know, same song second verse but this time I have added accordians to the band!

I am not sure when I last posted, it would be easy to look back but then I would have to start this over and I got somethings on my mind and before I lose them I need to put them down.  I think the las time I was here was back in July last year.  A lot has gone on since then.  I was doing good at the beginning of the year, lost about 40 pounds in a few months with nothing more than eating sensible, exercising and enjoying life.  Then my boss died, I was promoted to his position and all hell broke lose after that.  I lsot interest in losing weight cause I was spending all my time and engery on my new job (not a good enough reason I know).  Got to where I hated my new  job after getting my ass chewed out daily by my boss who was 400 miles and away and had never been up here to see what we did.  Spent a week in Florida in July for work and was crtizied for my choice of business clothing.  Here in Texas, blue jeans, button down and boots is acceptable.  I discovered in Florida that Dockers, Oxfords and loafers are the preferred.  Anyway, I enjoyed the ocean from my room as we was not permited to partake of the sand and surf cause we was do durn busy doing homework every night.  Then in October I get word that my company had priced themselves right out of the job we had and that another company had been awarded the contract we was bidding on and have had for over 10 years.  It was the other company who told me this, they thought I already knew.  They offered a jopb but at half the pay I was making and had grown accustomed to and no benefits.  So since the last day of November I have been unemployed and feeling really sorry for myself, more so than usual.  Which brings me here, again.

Last night while crusing the idiot box I came across Joel Osteen, t.v. preacher.  He is actually pretty good and has some really good books out on the market.  He motivates people very well.  He motivated me to get back into life.  Now I am not a religious freak but I am relgioius and believe in the almighty competely.  But sometimes that isn’t enough, it takes more than belief it takes dedication and commintment.  Which is something I have gotten away from and it took that 15 minutes of listen to Joel to get me to realize that.  I have left dedication and commitment oout of my life.  So this is me putting htose two elements back in.

So for what it is worth, my name is Kelly and I am FAT.  I a problem with food, exercise and self disipline. 

Food Log

Exercise Log

Weight loss without a doubt is a start, stop, start again kind of thing.  But then again so is life.  We come into places and situations where life basically stops for a while then once that crisis is cleared up you start the travleing again.  We are all subject to that life style.  For the last several months my life has been exactly that way but more so.  The ride has been filled with ups and downs, twist and turns.  So for the most part I have weathered it well, I am not at all happy about my weight situation as it has been yo-yoing like crazy but then again, that is my fault.  I have allowed stress to direct my feeding habits and my attitude.  But as of  this moment right now, NO MORE!  I got up this morning to flash of lightening and distant thunder.  A cool breeze swept across my patio and made me realize, life is simple and I have been trying to make it so very complicated.  NO MORE!  Time is precioius and I for one have been taking it for granted!  NO MORE!

I guess there comes a time and place where a person has to take a stand and declair independance and freedom from the chains that bind.  My time came this morning when the gracefulness and splendor of God’s beauty in a simple thunderstorm made me realize what I have been doing to mysefl over the last couple of months.  I went to bed last night with attitude of a weathered and beaten man.  I arose the same but then a flash of light filled the bedroom and caused me to open my eyes to see myself.   The feeling of difference filled the air.  Victory was the title of the day.  I said my morning prayer, fed my animals, got my coffee and retreated to the patio.  Where my world changed and the driven person of what felt like so long ago was back.  I felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off of me.  My desire to continue on this journey to a better ME was so intense I could barely contatin myself.  If I would ever use the word “giddy” this would be the place but since the “Man Manual” prohibits that term I will not use it but it would be damn descriptive.  Is that just weird or what? 

When you least expect it, BANG, it slaps you in the head and that little adjustment sets you back to level.  I am guessing is reality checking in.  Well for what it is worth, I am here, again!  I hope we are all having a great time on our journeys.  Until today it was pretty iffy for me, as to whether or not I was having a good time, but now I see things much different and more clear.  To all my buds and to everyone else, Stay the course, you can do it and you are worth it.  God Bless and ya have a great day! 

Food Log

Taking on a new job has been both wonderous and saddening.  I mean when your boss who you thought was doing such a great job ups and dies on you and then you find out that you are his replacement life is both sad and wonderful.  Then you find out what state the old boss left the office in and it is a sad day.  Then you find out that it is your problem and that if you don’t get it up and going in a short period of time you are  going to be unemployeed.  That day is even sadder.   Which is exactly what happened to me but I’ll not bore you with details, I’ll just cut tot he chase.

I was told when I accepted this new job and all it’s anchors that I would recieve all the help I needed however they did not offer help with my eating disorder but they did make a reference to my weight and that they like the company imgine to represent healthy and wholesome employees.  In short, my FAT is under suspect as well as my ability to perform the duties related to this “new job”.  I understand that but we dump coal trains for a living and we get really dirty, we work the craziest hours and have the least amount of respect.  The one thing I have found there is an abundamce of is, STRESS and MAYHEM!  Which we all know what stress leads to, especially when someone has a fond affect for food!  EATING, EATING, EATING!

Stress causes many problems not just over eating but also many health issues, heart attacks, blood pressure issues, achy joints, stomach problems, etc.  They can also usher in mental problems as well.  So learnignt o deal with the job, keep my eating under control and have some kind of private life is really taken it’s toll.  I haven’t worked out in over a week and I am feeling it badly.  But I guess I could be workingout instead of writing this but this too is therapy.  It is a way for me to let go and return to center.  Haven’t done that in a while and I am way past due.  I am not going to bore you with a lot of trivial B.S. as we all have enough of that in our lives.

Just know that life in general is stressful and add to that stress thru work, family, or whatever only makes things worse.  I know my private life is compromised severely in many areas.  No engery for family activities, I don’t talk with my siblins like I should and my tolerance for my grandchildren is way down.  They are just kids and are going to do kid type things, this I know but over the last month my tolerance for thier actions is way down and that troubles me greatly.   But I work hard at staying Grampsy and deal with my feelings behind the shower curtain as I let the water cascade over me and for a short period of time in that shower all things return to center.

While my eating is somewhat out of control during my daily grind on a bright note my weight is maintaining it’s self at 264 pounds.  The flip side of that coin is I am not losing but I am not gaining either.  Go figure.  I figure in 6 weeks when I have my inspection and hopefully pass it and get to keep my job life will return to normal, whatever that may be and I can resume my weight loss and get back in tune with ME!  I am going to resume my workouts before the 6 weeks because I think that is a big factor in my keeping my sanity, what little I may have left if I ever had any to start with.  The exercise is a great release of tension and anxiety and I miss it.  Matter of fact I am going to do it right after I finish this thang!  I just got of the phone with my boss, another ass chewing for something I didn’t know about, anyway.  When he said what are you going to be doing in 45 minutes, “Why?” I asked.  “I want you on a phone conference with the President and V.P of the company.”  Was his response.  I fired back, “Working out trying to get my FAT ASS acceptable for the company’s view of what a healthy and wholesome employee looks like!”  I am guessing he felt my anger and tension cause he said maybe I might out to be on this particular conference and said, don’t worry we’ll get you in on it next week!  He called back and said he didn’t appreicate my attitude but he understands and is willing to work with me.  I thought Damn it, I am trying to get fired leave me alone!  I know I get a bit over the top sometime and I swalloed hard and spit out an apology of which he accepted and we are now able to play together, again!

Folks, I am going to get off here so I can go workout.  I need the release of endorphines and feel better about myself.  I am a good person but right now I don’t feel good about ME and feeling good about ME is what I need, just as well do.  So whateverit is in your life causeing you grief and misery do not let it run your life, do not let it influence who you are.  I have done that and thanks to this place, today I am taking ME back over.  So with no further ado I bid you all a fond farewell and good luck on your journeys.   

I started writing this about 4 days ago, well no maybe is was 6 days.  I can’t remember for sure the alst 11 days have been a blur so to speak.  A week ago this past Friday I learned that my boss had been inthe hospital for over 3 weeks and was not expected to live as he had liver cancer.  I figure you are wondering what kind of person I am for not knowing my boss was sick.  Well let me explain.  We have been off of work for near 3 months with pay while the power plant does it’s yearly maintenance thing.  They can’t produce power so they do not get any coal and if they ain’t getting coal we ain’t working.  My compnay dumps the coal cars.  So we have been off all this time.  I generally talked to Mike about once a week or so.  When I couldn’t get ahold of him about 4 weeks ago I decided he had gone off to see his kids before we went back to work and would call me when he came back.  Well, that wasn’t the case. 

Mike had been feeling bad for a couple of weeks when his wife noticed his color wasn’t good.  So off to the doctor they went.  He was admittied for test and never came out.  His cancer was so far that he was given weeks and possibly a couple of months to live.  That was about 4 weeks ago.  Then eleven days ago a co worker went by his house and Mike’s wife was there.  The co-worker was just going to get some extra time cards when Mike’s wife told him the news.  He called me and gave me the information.  It floored me beyond words and comprehension.  I mean how does someone go from being vital and very active to laying in the bed waiting to die so fast.  There was no explaination for me at that time and still not much of one now.

I went and seen Mike the following saturday and as I walked into the room he did a double take and tried to sit up.  He was too weak so he just laid there.  We visited for a few minutes and seeing he was so tired I decided to leave.  His wife escorted me back to the waiting room and she told me that those was the first words he had spoken in days.  She said, “Usually he just ignores people when they come in the room!”  That was the last time I would see him.  Five days later Mike died in a hospice unit surrounded by family.  The funeral was held this past Saturday, just 8 days after I found out he was even sick.  A good gathering of friends and family attended including the president of our company. 

It  has all been so surreal that time will only prevail as the translator of what all has gone on over the last eleven days.  For his family, I understand what they are going through.  I lost both my parents in the last  7 years to cancer.  It is a hard loss.  It is not the actual loss that is so painful it is watching a person start that downward sprial that is so hard to ingest.  Seeing a loved one go from active to bed ridden is tough.  The actual dying part is usually a relief, well it was for me and my family.  Knowing that there is no more suffering and that they loved one is in heaven is a great comfort.  For a while Mike’s family will grieve, the pain at time is un-bearable but that will subside.  The memories will shine on the good and the bad will dim over time because you realize that most times the bad wasn’t that bad. 

Death and food go hand in hand.  While I might have been related I had worked with Mike for over 2 years and he was a good friend as well as my boss.  His death has depressed me some and being ture to form I turned to food as a source of comfort.  About the 4th day after knowing about Mike I was sitting there at the table thinking about the situation and all when it came to me that there was a big ol hunk of cake with coconut icing just waiting for me.  I went and got it, drooling and slobering the whole way.  I love coconut!  Anyway, as I dipped my fork into the sweet mound of depression relief medicine a thought about Mike came across my mind.  I could hear him say, “do you really need that?”  Mike was a big fitness guy, walked everywhere, took care of himself watched what he ate most of the time and when I started losing weight he was a big pusher for me.  Those words I heard in my head made me toss the cake into the trash and walk away.  I have caught myself several times turning to the fridge or pantry but only to shut the door and grab an apple or go for a walk.  While Mike may be gone he is certainly not forgotten and his words still ring true.  Thank you Mike!

Yesterday Easter, wow that was hard.  Cook out, Easter egg hunt, candy eggs, cakes, pies, ribs but I managed to eat appropriately and within the limits I have set for myself.   I hope everyone managed well if not, do not give up.  There are always going to be tough times where you want to eat anything and everything.  Hang in there, you are not alone and it will get better, it always does.

Ya have a great day and thanks for listening. 

I really like Fridays, plain and simple!  Friday and Mondays, I like them both.  One represents out with the old and the other welcomes untold and un-forseen adventures that lay ahead.  The weekend, well that is gravy.  A time to celebrate making it through another week and a kick off for the up coming week.  I know what you are thinking, this guy is losing it.  What you don’t know is, you can’t miss something you have never had!  LAMO

 My grandmother always told me a good day is learning something you didn’t already know.  So learn something new each day.  There is no excuse not to have a successful day!  Like yesterday I learned that there is a reason I gained 2 pounds from my last weigh in.  Now hold on this monumental!  I over eat!  Imagine that!  LOL  Actually, I learned that since I have stopped doing a certain thing in my dauly routine I have increased my eating somewhat.  When I discovered that I had gained a couple of pounds I didn’t get down and start blaming events or whatever.  I got pissed!  I started re-evaluating what I have done different and tried to trace my steps back.  Well, it didn’t take me long to see where the errors of my way de-railed me.  I had started eating a bit more than usual and also inbetween meals.  Not much but enough that it created a 2 pound weight gain.  But that just took me back to last week.  I wanted to know when the transition started, so I looked deeper and discovered something that I hadn’t thought about until then.  When I started this weight loss program I also had started on a cure all for many different ailments but primarily for my allergys.  I started taking Honey and Cinnamon every morning.  Take a table spoon of Honey, heat it in the m’wave for no more than 10 seconds and then add a 1/4 teaspoon of Cinnamon.  Mix it very well and then drink it down.  It is near sickening sweet but it kept me from having to take allergy medication for over 3 months.  But what I didn’t know was that it was also keeping my hunger pains at bay and helped me stay energized through the day.  I stopped taking it about a month ago and that is about when I started to really having to fight the hunger bug more at night and now the old bug is fighting me during the day.  That is also when I had to start taking allergy medicine again. 

Now don’t for a minute think this came from all my detective work and my investigation.  The idea, the answer I had worked for so hard to find came to me out of accident.  I was at Wally World yesterday picking up a few things for the house and just happened to be in the peanut butter asile (which P.B. is a mainstay for me) I seen the Honey sitting ont he shelf right there by my nutty butter and I said to my self, “Self, you need to get back on the Honey and Cinnamon and get off the pills!”  So I got a bottle of “Pure Honey” and went happily on my way.  As I am over int he b-b-q grill section drooling over the new grills and all thier shininess of the stainless steel covers it hit me.  The lady looked at me strangly when I blurted outloud, “You dummy that is why you gained the 2 pounds.  Your eating is out of whack, again!”  I pushed my basket as fast as I could waddle to the express lane, checked out and went home to look at the “Honey Program”.  Sure enough there in black and white was the words, “can also help in weight loss”.  I checked  the web more facts about Honey and found it is some great stuff.  The information I had that got me started was a gift from my brother and I never gave it much thought about what all it could do.  I was just interested in getting rid of my snotty nose and watery eyes.  My brother is as curious as I am and will research a thing to death so I figured he had odne an extensive search and he did but he only scratch the surface. 

The benefits from adding Honey to your diet is very beneficial from allergies to sex drives.  I mean it covers so much and it is safe for everyone, including diabetes sufferers.  It is all natural, it contains many things we need to get through this world and it taste damn good!  So do yourself some research on Honey and the benefits and add it to your life.  No I am not a salesman for the National Honey Company but I am a user!

It is the little things in life that can affect us the most.  So we need to be aware of all things in our lives.  We need to recognize that even simple things like Honey can be beneficial to us in out journey, or atleast to me it has been.  This morning I started back ont he Honey and Cinnamon thing.  I nearly gagged when I drank it down it is just that sweet.  But usually by this time every morning I am already having the urge to put something in my pie hole, this morning not so much.   I am sitting here writing this, enjoying the last sip of my coffee.  I can hear the birds singing, the dog is snoring at my feet and the cat is trying to figure out who the new cat is in the mirror.  The look on his face is you are a good looking guy but you don’t belong here!  The urge to eat is there but it is more calm than usual.  I plan on having my mid-morning snack probably an apple and then move on to other things.  Right now the hunger bug is not very strong and I can’t help but wonder, “Is it the Honey or is it in my mind?”   I am not going to question the Honey thing cause I know all I need to know about it.  It taste good and it is good for me and that is enough.  So with that said and for what it is worth I bid you all a fond farewell and I hope everyone has a great weekend and keep your journey in front.  You can do it there is no doubt!

That is one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett songs and I tend to listen to him when I get down.  Not that I was down this weekend but I also wasn’t up to my usual smart ass slef anyway.  This weekend was good but I wasn’t exactly honest to myself or my program.  I went off the chain somewhat and ate things I should not have eaten.  But the flip side of that coin is, I didn’t eat in between meals and for me that is a good thing.  It is hard to keep on course all the time and I think when we get a little sideways we need to be tolerant of that.  We do not need to brow beat ourselves and get all gloomy.  After all, aren’t we human?  We are not perfect in any manner so why do we expect perfection?  If you have the answer let me know.  Besides I am not so certain I want to be perfect, I kind of like being imperfect.  It keeps a lot of stress out of my life.

Ran into an old friend not long ago and we got to talking about when we was kids and about how life revoloved around baseball and that we was good at it.  Not bragging just stating facts.  The two of us was probably the best of our time.  I was a second baseman and he played the outfield.  We both hit over 300 our last season in Little League with 8 home runs and 12 RBI’s.  Not bad for 12 yeara olds.  That summer we was near perfection.  We did little wrong and was treated as Gods on the field.  My friend even had a snow cone named after him.  Which is a mighty big thing for a kid.  However, the following year was not as nice to us.  We was both recruited by the number one and 2 Senior League teams.  Great things was expected of us.  I replaced the second baseman who was 16 and had been playing there for several years.  I was not liked but there was not much I could do.  My friend made the starting list as centerfield and we both batted in the clean up position.  Sadly, our debut was less than standard.  We hoovered!  We both felt that we could live on last summers dreams and achievements.   Oh how we was so wrong!By the third game I was collecting splinters on the bench and my friend was moved to batting 7th.  Later that season he was also benched.  I sometimes batted for the pitcher and was usually chosen to pinch run for our catcher.  Life was less than grand and it was exteremly humbling.  But life lesson was, “You are only as good as your last game!”  A acouple of years later with some grooming to play big boys baseball I was back to my usual style.  Snagging hard hit grounders like Brook Robinson and hitting like Henry Aaron.  My last year was spectacular, hitting over 400, 22 home runs and 35 RBI’s.  I was once again a God.  My friend, he took a fast ball early in the season and was sidelined with a fractured hip.  Whichin turned saved his life he was diagonosed with a rare form of bone cancer in the early stages.  He is obviously fine now as we was talking about 5 days ago.

Living for yesterday doesn’t cut it.  We can’t turn the hands of time back nor should we try.  All we have is today that is certain, tomorrow isn’t promised to us.  So what happened over the weekend doesn’t matter anymore.  It is what happens TODAY and TODAY only that counts.  I went off the reservation this weekend but I can’t and wont let it affect me today.  That is not an option I am willing to give myself.  You shouldn’t either.  The only thing from our past that should influence our present and our future is our wins and loss collumns.  Oh wait isn’t that a contridiction you say.  I say NOPE, it isn’t.  We need to use our wins and our loss’es as measuring sticks.  We are winners, regardless but we need to try and be bigger winners (not whinners or weiners) each day needs to be better than the previous.  We need to learn from our loss’es so we will not travel down that road again.  So next time when we incounter the same or similar situation we can come out a WINNER!  But it all boils down to one thing, US!  Are we willing to live today?  Are we willing to forget about the past and not dwell on it from a  “poor ol me” point of view?  We had better be otherwise, well I think you know the outcome. 

Alright I will shut up now.  So keep the past close but don’t dewell, keep the future in sight but don’t try and live in there and above all, keep the PRESENT in your grasp.  Don’t live for yesterday or for tomorrow, Live for TODAY!  See ya around the watercooler.