orelse

Weight loss without a doubt is a start, stop, start again kind of thing.  But then again so is life.  We come into places and situations where life basically stops for a while then once that crisis is cleared up you start the travleing again.  We are all subject to that life style.  For the last several months my life has been exactly that way but more so.  The ride has been filled with ups and downs, twist and turns.  So for the most part I have weathered it well, I am not at all happy about my weight situation as it has been yo-yoing like crazy but then again, that is my fault.  I have allowed stress to direct my feeding habits and my attitude.  But as of  this moment right now, NO MORE!  I got up this morning to flash of lightening and distant thunder.  A cool breeze swept across my patio and made me realize, life is simple and I have been trying to make it so very complicated.  NO MORE!  Time is precioius and I for one have been taking it for granted!  NO MORE!

I guess there comes a time and place where a person has to take a stand and declair independance and freedom from the chains that bind.  My time came this morning when the gracefulness and splendor of God’s beauty in a simple thunderstorm made me realize what I have been doing to mysefl over the last couple of months.  I went to bed last night with attitude of a weathered and beaten man.  I arose the same but then a flash of light filled the bedroom and caused me to open my eyes to see myself.   The feeling of difference filled the air.  Victory was the title of the day.  I said my morning prayer, fed my animals, got my coffee and retreated to the patio.  Where my world changed and the driven person of what felt like so long ago was back.  I felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off of me.  My desire to continue on this journey to a better ME was so intense I could barely contatin myself.  If I would ever use the word “giddy” this would be the place but since the “Man Manual” prohibits that term I will not use it but it would be damn descriptive.  Is that just weird or what? 

When you least expect it, BANG, it slaps you in the head and that little adjustment sets you back to level.  I am guessing is reality checking in.  Well for what it is worth, I am here, again!  I hope we are all having a great time on our journeys.  Until today it was pretty iffy for me, as to whether or not I was having a good time, but now I see things much different and more clear.  To all my buds and to everyone else, Stay the course, you can do it and you are worth it.  God Bless and ya have a great day! 

Food Log

Taking on a new job has been both wonderous and saddening.  I mean when your boss who you thought was doing such a great job ups and dies on you and then you find out that you are his replacement life is both sad and wonderful.  Then you find out what state the old boss left the office in and it is a sad day.  Then you find out that it is your problem and that if you don’t get it up and going in a short period of time you are  going to be unemployeed.  That day is even sadder.   Which is exactly what happened to me but I’ll not bore you with details, I’ll just cut tot he chase.

I was told when I accepted this new job and all it’s anchors that I would recieve all the help I needed however they did not offer help with my eating disorder but they did make a reference to my weight and that they like the company imgine to represent healthy and wholesome employees.  In short, my FAT is under suspect as well as my ability to perform the duties related to this “new job”.  I understand that but we dump coal trains for a living and we get really dirty, we work the craziest hours and have the least amount of respect.  The one thing I have found there is an abundamce of is, STRESS and MAYHEM!  Which we all know what stress leads to, especially when someone has a fond affect for food!  EATING, EATING, EATING!

Stress causes many problems not just over eating but also many health issues, heart attacks, blood pressure issues, achy joints, stomach problems, etc.  They can also usher in mental problems as well.  So learnignt o deal with the job, keep my eating under control and have some kind of private life is really taken it’s toll.  I haven’t worked out in over a week and I am feeling it badly.  But I guess I could be workingout instead of writing this but this too is therapy.  It is a way for me to let go and return to center.  Haven’t done that in a while and I am way past due.  I am not going to bore you with a lot of trivial B.S. as we all have enough of that in our lives.

Just know that life in general is stressful and add to that stress thru work, family, or whatever only makes things worse.  I know my private life is compromised severely in many areas.  No engery for family activities, I don’t talk with my siblins like I should and my tolerance for my grandchildren is way down.  They are just kids and are going to do kid type things, this I know but over the last month my tolerance for thier actions is way down and that troubles me greatly.   But I work hard at staying Grampsy and deal with my feelings behind the shower curtain as I let the water cascade over me and for a short period of time in that shower all things return to center.

While my eating is somewhat out of control during my daily grind on a bright note my weight is maintaining it’s self at 264 pounds.  The flip side of that coin is I am not losing but I am not gaining either.  Go figure.  I figure in 6 weeks when I have my inspection and hopefully pass it and get to keep my job life will return to normal, whatever that may be and I can resume my weight loss and get back in tune with ME!  I am going to resume my workouts before the 6 weeks because I think that is a big factor in my keeping my sanity, what little I may have left if I ever had any to start with.  The exercise is a great release of tension and anxiety and I miss it.  Matter of fact I am going to do it right after I finish this thang!  I just got of the phone with my boss, another ass chewing for something I didn’t know about, anyway.  When he said what are you going to be doing in 45 minutes, “Why?” I asked.  “I want you on a phone conference with the President and V.P of the company.”  Was his response.  I fired back, “Working out trying to get my FAT ASS acceptable for the company’s view of what a healthy and wholesome employee looks like!”  I am guessing he felt my anger and tension cause he said maybe I might out to be on this particular conference and said, don’t worry we’ll get you in on it next week!  He called back and said he didn’t appreicate my attitude but he understands and is willing to work with me.  I thought Damn it, I am trying to get fired leave me alone!  I know I get a bit over the top sometime and I swalloed hard and spit out an apology of which he accepted and we are now able to play together, again!

Folks, I am going to get off here so I can go workout.  I need the release of endorphines and feel better about myself.  I am a good person but right now I don’t feel good about ME and feeling good about ME is what I need, just as well do.  So whateverit is in your life causeing you grief and misery do not let it run your life, do not let it influence who you are.  I have done that and thanks to this place, today I am taking ME back over.  So with no further ado I bid you all a fond farewell and good luck on your journeys.   

I started writing this about 4 days ago, well no maybe is was 6 days.  I can’t remember for sure the alst 11 days have been a blur so to speak.  A week ago this past Friday I learned that my boss had been inthe hospital for over 3 weeks and was not expected to live as he had liver cancer.  I figure you are wondering what kind of person I am for not knowing my boss was sick.  Well let me explain.  We have been off of work for near 3 months with pay while the power plant does it’s yearly maintenance thing.  They can’t produce power so they do not get any coal and if they ain’t getting coal we ain’t working.  My compnay dumps the coal cars.  So we have been off all this time.  I generally talked to Mike about once a week or so.  When I couldn’t get ahold of him about 4 weeks ago I decided he had gone off to see his kids before we went back to work and would call me when he came back.  Well, that wasn’t the case. 

Mike had been feeling bad for a couple of weeks when his wife noticed his color wasn’t good.  So off to the doctor they went.  He was admittied for test and never came out.  His cancer was so far that he was given weeks and possibly a couple of months to live.  That was about 4 weeks ago.  Then eleven days ago a co worker went by his house and Mike’s wife was there.  The co-worker was just going to get some extra time cards when Mike’s wife told him the news.  He called me and gave me the information.  It floored me beyond words and comprehension.  I mean how does someone go from being vital and very active to laying in the bed waiting to die so fast.  There was no explaination for me at that time and still not much of one now.

I went and seen Mike the following saturday and as I walked into the room he did a double take and tried to sit up.  He was too weak so he just laid there.  We visited for a few minutes and seeing he was so tired I decided to leave.  His wife escorted me back to the waiting room and she told me that those was the first words he had spoken in days.  She said, “Usually he just ignores people when they come in the room!”  That was the last time I would see him.  Five days later Mike died in a hospice unit surrounded by family.  The funeral was held this past Saturday, just 8 days after I found out he was even sick.  A good gathering of friends and family attended including the president of our company. 

It  has all been so surreal that time will only prevail as the translator of what all has gone on over the last eleven days.  For his family, I understand what they are going through.  I lost both my parents in the last  7 years to cancer.  It is a hard loss.  It is not the actual loss that is so painful it is watching a person start that downward sprial that is so hard to ingest.  Seeing a loved one go from active to bed ridden is tough.  The actual dying part is usually a relief, well it was for me and my family.  Knowing that there is no more suffering and that they loved one is in heaven is a great comfort.  For a while Mike’s family will grieve, the pain at time is un-bearable but that will subside.  The memories will shine on the good and the bad will dim over time because you realize that most times the bad wasn’t that bad. 

Death and food go hand in hand.  While I might have been related I had worked with Mike for over 2 years and he was a good friend as well as my boss.  His death has depressed me some and being ture to form I turned to food as a source of comfort.  About the 4th day after knowing about Mike I was sitting there at the table thinking about the situation and all when it came to me that there was a big ol hunk of cake with coconut icing just waiting for me.  I went and got it, drooling and slobering the whole way.  I love coconut!  Anyway, as I dipped my fork into the sweet mound of depression relief medicine a thought about Mike came across my mind.  I could hear him say, “do you really need that?”  Mike was a big fitness guy, walked everywhere, took care of himself watched what he ate most of the time and when I started losing weight he was a big pusher for me.  Those words I heard in my head made me toss the cake into the trash and walk away.  I have caught myself several times turning to the fridge or pantry but only to shut the door and grab an apple or go for a walk.  While Mike may be gone he is certainly not forgotten and his words still ring true.  Thank you Mike!

Yesterday Easter, wow that was hard.  Cook out, Easter egg hunt, candy eggs, cakes, pies, ribs but I managed to eat appropriately and within the limits I have set for myself.   I hope everyone managed well if not, do not give up.  There are always going to be tough times where you want to eat anything and everything.  Hang in there, you are not alone and it will get better, it always does.

Ya have a great day and thanks for listening. 

I really like Fridays, plain and simple!  Friday and Mondays, I like them both.  One represents out with the old and the other welcomes untold and un-forseen adventures that lay ahead.  The weekend, well that is gravy.  A time to celebrate making it through another week and a kick off for the up coming week.  I know what you are thinking, this guy is losing it.  What you don’t know is, you can’t miss something you have never had!  LAMO

 My grandmother always told me a good day is learning something you didn’t already know.  So learn something new each day.  There is no excuse not to have a successful day!  Like yesterday I learned that there is a reason I gained 2 pounds from my last weigh in.  Now hold on this monumental!  I over eat!  Imagine that!  LOL  Actually, I learned that since I have stopped doing a certain thing in my dauly routine I have increased my eating somewhat.  When I discovered that I had gained a couple of pounds I didn’t get down and start blaming events or whatever.  I got pissed!  I started re-evaluating what I have done different and tried to trace my steps back.  Well, it didn’t take me long to see where the errors of my way de-railed me.  I had started eating a bit more than usual and also inbetween meals.  Not much but enough that it created a 2 pound weight gain.  But that just took me back to last week.  I wanted to know when the transition started, so I looked deeper and discovered something that I hadn’t thought about until then.  When I started this weight loss program I also had started on a cure all for many different ailments but primarily for my allergys.  I started taking Honey and Cinnamon every morning.  Take a table spoon of Honey, heat it in the m’wave for no more than 10 seconds and then add a 1/4 teaspoon of Cinnamon.  Mix it very well and then drink it down.  It is near sickening sweet but it kept me from having to take allergy medication for over 3 months.  But what I didn’t know was that it was also keeping my hunger pains at bay and helped me stay energized through the day.  I stopped taking it about a month ago and that is about when I started to really having to fight the hunger bug more at night and now the old bug is fighting me during the day.  That is also when I had to start taking allergy medicine again. 

Now don’t for a minute think this came from all my detective work and my investigation.  The idea, the answer I had worked for so hard to find came to me out of accident.  I was at Wally World yesterday picking up a few things for the house and just happened to be in the peanut butter asile (which P.B. is a mainstay for me) I seen the Honey sitting ont he shelf right there by my nutty butter and I said to my self, “Self, you need to get back on the Honey and Cinnamon and get off the pills!”  So I got a bottle of “Pure Honey” and went happily on my way.  As I am over int he b-b-q grill section drooling over the new grills and all thier shininess of the stainless steel covers it hit me.  The lady looked at me strangly when I blurted outloud, “You dummy that is why you gained the 2 pounds.  Your eating is out of whack, again!”  I pushed my basket as fast as I could waddle to the express lane, checked out and went home to look at the “Honey Program”.  Sure enough there in black and white was the words, “can also help in weight loss”.  I checked  the web more facts about Honey and found it is some great stuff.  The information I had that got me started was a gift from my brother and I never gave it much thought about what all it could do.  I was just interested in getting rid of my snotty nose and watery eyes.  My brother is as curious as I am and will research a thing to death so I figured he had odne an extensive search and he did but he only scratch the surface. 

The benefits from adding Honey to your diet is very beneficial from allergies to sex drives.  I mean it covers so much and it is safe for everyone, including diabetes sufferers.  It is all natural, it contains many things we need to get through this world and it taste damn good!  So do yourself some research on Honey and the benefits and add it to your life.  No I am not a salesman for the National Honey Company but I am a user!

It is the little things in life that can affect us the most.  So we need to be aware of all things in our lives.  We need to recognize that even simple things like Honey can be beneficial to us in out journey, or atleast to me it has been.  This morning I started back ont he Honey and Cinnamon thing.  I nearly gagged when I drank it down it is just that sweet.  But usually by this time every morning I am already having the urge to put something in my pie hole, this morning not so much.   I am sitting here writing this, enjoying the last sip of my coffee.  I can hear the birds singing, the dog is snoring at my feet and the cat is trying to figure out who the new cat is in the mirror.  The look on his face is you are a good looking guy but you don’t belong here!  The urge to eat is there but it is more calm than usual.  I plan on having my mid-morning snack probably an apple and then move on to other things.  Right now the hunger bug is not very strong and I can’t help but wonder, “Is it the Honey or is it in my mind?”   I am not going to question the Honey thing cause I know all I need to know about it.  It taste good and it is good for me and that is enough.  So with that said and for what it is worth I bid you all a fond farewell and I hope everyone has a great weekend and keep your journey in front.  You can do it there is no doubt!

That is one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett songs and I tend to listen to him when I get down.  Not that I was down this weekend but I also wasn’t up to my usual smart ass slef anyway.  This weekend was good but I wasn’t exactly honest to myself or my program.  I went off the chain somewhat and ate things I should not have eaten.  But the flip side of that coin is, I didn’t eat in between meals and for me that is a good thing.  It is hard to keep on course all the time and I think when we get a little sideways we need to be tolerant of that.  We do not need to brow beat ourselves and get all gloomy.  After all, aren’t we human?  We are not perfect in any manner so why do we expect perfection?  If you have the answer let me know.  Besides I am not so certain I want to be perfect, I kind of like being imperfect.  It keeps a lot of stress out of my life.

Ran into an old friend not long ago and we got to talking about when we was kids and about how life revoloved around baseball and that we was good at it.  Not bragging just stating facts.  The two of us was probably the best of our time.  I was a second baseman and he played the outfield.  We both hit over 300 our last season in Little League with 8 home runs and 12 RBI’s.  Not bad for 12 yeara olds.  That summer we was near perfection.  We did little wrong and was treated as Gods on the field.  My friend even had a snow cone named after him.  Which is a mighty big thing for a kid.  However, the following year was not as nice to us.  We was both recruited by the number one and 2 Senior League teams.  Great things was expected of us.  I replaced the second baseman who was 16 and had been playing there for several years.  I was not liked but there was not much I could do.  My friend made the starting list as centerfield and we both batted in the clean up position.  Sadly, our debut was less than standard.  We hoovered!  We both felt that we could live on last summers dreams and achievements.   Oh how we was so wrong!By the third game I was collecting splinters on the bench and my friend was moved to batting 7th.  Later that season he was also benched.  I sometimes batted for the pitcher and was usually chosen to pinch run for our catcher.  Life was less than grand and it was exteremly humbling.  But life lesson was, “You are only as good as your last game!”  A acouple of years later with some grooming to play big boys baseball I was back to my usual style.  Snagging hard hit grounders like Brook Robinson and hitting like Henry Aaron.  My last year was spectacular, hitting over 400, 22 home runs and 35 RBI’s.  I was once again a God.  My friend, he took a fast ball early in the season and was sidelined with a fractured hip.  Whichin turned saved his life he was diagonosed with a rare form of bone cancer in the early stages.  He is obviously fine now as we was talking about 5 days ago.

Living for yesterday doesn’t cut it.  We can’t turn the hands of time back nor should we try.  All we have is today that is certain, tomorrow isn’t promised to us.  So what happened over the weekend doesn’t matter anymore.  It is what happens TODAY and TODAY only that counts.  I went off the reservation this weekend but I can’t and wont let it affect me today.  That is not an option I am willing to give myself.  You shouldn’t either.  The only thing from our past that should influence our present and our future is our wins and loss collumns.  Oh wait isn’t that a contridiction you say.  I say NOPE, it isn’t.  We need to use our wins and our loss’es as measuring sticks.  We are winners, regardless but we need to try and be bigger winners (not whinners or weiners) each day needs to be better than the previous.  We need to learn from our loss’es so we will not travel down that road again.  So next time when we incounter the same or similar situation we can come out a WINNER!  But it all boils down to one thing, US!  Are we willing to live today?  Are we willing to forget about the past and not dwell on it from a  “poor ol me” point of view?  We had better be otherwise, well I think you know the outcome. 

Alright I will shut up now.  So keep the past close but don’t dewell, keep the future in sight but don’t try and live in there and above all, keep the PRESENT in your grasp.  Don’t live for yesterday or for tomorrow, Live for TODAY!  See ya around the watercooler. 

Alright before anyone can say it, I will!  “I can’t stay away from you nuts.  Ya are in my head and I can’t get you out.  So I am back!”  Like it or not!  LMAO

Call me a liar or whatever I don’t care.  I know that it has only been a week or so since I said my farewells and all but looking back I have seen where a lot of my strength came from during this journey.  It came frolm here, from the people who make up the body of BuddySlim.  The stories, the events, the struggles, the success’es, life at it’s best is all right here.  I missed it and had been missing this place for a few days prior to my departure, I just didn’t realize it until yesterday. 

I am pretty much a private person on some matters so forgive me if I do not go into details.  I just felt that if I focused more on the matter at hand I would be able to accomplish more or provide a better outcome in a situation that is occusing in my life.  Well, it is said that “A wise man thinks twice a fool only once!”  I thought onyl once and decided that re-directing the engery I use here would help.  Well, silly me I have come to rely on this joint as a neutral haven.  I pull from this much more than I put in.  I didn’t realize that for sure and certain until yesterday.  Got pretty down and let my mind wander.  I found myself wondering what would Theresa, or Km or a hundred other people I have come to know here would do.  I knew then I must return so, I tucked my tail and whimpered back inside the solace I have found here.  The bright side of that downward sprial was, I didn’t eat out of bounds.  I kept that part of me under control!

We all need that little part of the world where we feel safe and secure.  A place where we can recover, re-group and re-stock ourselves so we can keep going.  I have several.  I doodle, I golf, I restore furniture and I have this place.  I also loaf, piddle and procrastinate as much as possible, which in turns affects the previsouly mentioned activities.  Regardless these places or things we have and do are important for ourselves and we are here for a reason.   Maybe a word of wisdom will be shared or maybe we will find refuge in words we find at a time we are down at the lowest part of our lives.  I doubt there is anyone here who hasn’t been touched by another member in some manner or another.  I know I have been and I know I will be again.  There have been times when I read a blog and got flat footed pissed off then there are the times when I have smiled or shed a tear. 

So, with that bit of dribble rolling off the key board I will draw to a close.  I want to thank each of you who responded to my last posting.  Your words touched me deeply as they was I felt sincere and from the heart.  Thank you very much.  And like it or not I AM BACK!  heeheeheeheeheeheehee

Food Log

Exercise Log

It really does amaze me everytime I come here.  I read blogs from folks just like me witht he same fears, scares, scars, needs and desires.  There are time as a FAT man I feel that I am the only one in the boat.  I feel as though I am “THE”  FAT man and everyone else is normal (what ever that may be).  There are times when I am at the store and I feel the eyes of the “normal” people on me.  But then I convince myself it is my own faltering self-esteem playing games on me.  9 time out of 10 that is true but I do know that there are times when people stare, especially when I ride my bike.  But you know, I no longer care about that.  I am still concerned about my weight and how I look but I have come to realize that these people who so rudely stare at different looking people  only make up a small percentage of society and are not worthy of my time to care about what they think.  I learned that here at BuddySlim and the fine folks who make this website what it is.  Thank you.

Normally when I title a blog it doesn’t always match the topic.  See it is really a trick to get you to read what I write, otherwise if I correctly titled the blog you might not read it!  But this title is correct.  Parting is such sweet sorrow!  I am leaving BS to devote time and engery for personal and medical reasons that at this stage I do not care to devulge.    There are other factors involved like work, family and a slew of other things that made this decision for me.  But from time to time I may drop in on ya to read a blog or two and to see how you are doing in your journeys.  I will maintain my journey without question.  As for my last weigh in I had dropped another 2 pounds, down to 260.  I am 10 pounds away from my first big goal and I have until my b’day to make it, April 11th!  I think I can do it, wait, I know I can do it!

What I have learned here is great to say the least.  I have learned that I am not alone.  That I can over come anything and that I am a good person.  I have read blogs, post and profiles until I was dizzy and they all say the same thing.  “I am a person, I have feelings and desires to be a better person.”  I read strength in the blogs that I have pulled from.  I have see so many success stories that a book needs to be written by each one of you.  You all have amazing stories that need to be told.  The amount of confidence I have gained is amazing.  I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to and I have this group of fine folks to thank.

So in closing I want to wish each and everyone of you a great journey and a fantastic life.  The thing you have set out to do is not just affecting your life but also your family, friends and,  my life!  Losing weight and over coming an eating problem is HARD.  Do not let anyone ever tell you that it is easy to lose weight, you know different so let them know!  Meeting your goal is important but it is not the most important thing, you are!  Be true to yourself and respect yourself at allt ime even when you fall.  A slip is only a moments falter, look straight ahead and press on.  You can do it, you have all came so far to turn back now.  My level of energy is what I like.  I am able to do things I couldn’t and didn’t want to do 2 months ago.  That is at 260 pounds I wonder what it will be like at 160?  I will probably be like a middle age guy with an extreme case of hyper activity and a super size ego!  I will look like a new golf ball teed off in a tile bathroom!  I will be all over the place!  LMAO

Folks, words can not be found to express how I feel for you all or how it makes me feel to pull out of BS.  But know this, you will be missed in many different ways but thought about often.  Take care and stay the journey.  See ya!

Even Superman has a weakness, other than Lois Lane that is.  Superman can bounce bullets off his chest, stop trains with his breath (so can my ex-wife) but let one little green colored rock get near him and he becomes a quivering mass of jelly.  I mean spaghetti has more muscle tone than he does!  Well I too have a weakness and I was bush whacked by it Saturday.  Usually I weigh in on Wednesdays but I skipped yesterday due to what happened Saturday.  This morning my conscience got the better of me and I weighed in.  Well it was not a loss so that is bad but on the other hand there was no gain, that is good.  I stayed right where I was last week and I am shocked.  Oh yea, back to what happened Saturday.

Well there I was at the local Family Dollar store looking for something not food, I was there to get trash bags and batteries.  Anyway as I made my way down the isles, I like to look never know when you are going to find a bargin you know.  Well, as I cruised down the snack isle I thought I need some sunflower seeds and as I approached them it happened.  Out of nowhere came 8 little yellow sqare packages racing towards me.  They was screaming my name.  My arch enemy in my weight loss war.  Mallow Cups!  They are evil!  Wrapped in a layer of sweet milk chocolate covering a even  more evil mixture of mallow and coconut!  Before I knew it they was in my basket and wouldn’t get out.  I yanked and pulled, tugged and pushed but to no avail.  They had wedged themselves ever so tightly in the basket that a come along and a crow bar would be of no use either.  I thought, well I go ahead and get them and then when they aren’t looking and thinking all is safe I will toss them out on the road.  Well, it was my surprise that they was ready for that move.  They moved to the back seat of my truck and hid under my jacket.  I told you they was evil and also sneaky!  I had one more stop to make at Wally World and then home.  I had kind of put them out of my mind when just as I pulled up to WW I heard this faint cry for help coming from the back seat.  My first thought was correct, it was the Mallow Cups trying to lure me into a heroic moment.  As I got out I heard a distress call emit from under my jacket.  “It is hot in here and we will perish if you leave us here!”  Now being soft hearted as well as soft headed I caved in.  I grabbed the package of 8 miniture mallow cups and………well to make a long story short.  I ate them.  Ate all of them!  All 8 little packs.  I couldn’t believe it and got very depressed.

The rest of the day I spent beating my self up.  I pigged out on crap.  Well not really pigged out on junk food but I did eat more than I should have.  By Saturday night I was in a better mood.  When I went to bed I asked God to forgive me and help me be strong tomorrow.  Just before I closed my prayer I heard, “I like them too!”  I looked around and I was the only one in the room.  So it is either my imagination or God was making a little confession also.  I can’t picture him having a weakness like that but then again I was made in his likeness!  LOL

When I have a moment like that I always try and learn from it, sometimes I do and will not repeat it, other times, well that is why I am FAT!  But Saturday just re-enforced that I have to remain for ever vigilant in this journey I have chosen to take.  I have to be ready for the unexpected and deal with it accordingly.  Truth be known, when I put those little deamons in the basket I told myself they will be rewards and will not be gulped down.  In reality, I knew the outcome but I felt I was strong enough to withstand the pressure.  LOL, was I wrong!  So I will do better next time.  I will by-pass the temptation and push ahead.  I think that is the a major part of this puzzle, don’t you?

Well ya have a great day and an amazing journey today!

Recently I was told by a friend who I hadn’t seen in a good number of years that while I was looking good with the weight loss I was spinning my wheels.  He told me I was losing the battle that I might as well be happy for the short time we have left on this planet!  When I asked him what he meant he said, “You know in 2012 the world is going to end!  So why not be happy the way you are instead of triyn got live longer!”  I about died laughing.  I replied, “The world is going to end when God says and not what the science guys are saying and until then I want to be more healthy and besides, I want to look good on the way out!”  People are nearly running amuck in this day and age.  Unemployment is rising, foreclosures are monumental, the government is bailing with a coffee can and chaos is in the making.  I can’t adivse anyone as I seldom ever follow my own advice but I am just sitting back and enjoying what I have.  I have a job, a roof over my head and a dog that licks my feet at night while I watch t.v., life don’t get any better!  LOL  I know my job isn’t 100% safe but since I work int he energy field I have it a little more secure than others, I lost a house in a divorce years ago and will not buy one to this day due to that, so no one is going to foreclose on me.  I pay my taxes so I know I am doing my part in payign for the bail out and I will do more as we all will.  I know if I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off is not going to benefit me in any fashion or anyone in my life.  So I might as well just enjoy life!

I was also told that, that kind of thinking is selfish.  Well maybe it is but it is also survival.  Which is what life is all about.  Living it to the fullest, being kind ot children and small animals and respecting the guy/woman next to me and helping out when I can.  I try to do all that.  So I wonder how  that is selfish?  Hmmmmmm, if figure I was also going to be told that losing weight when there is all the hunger in the world is also selfish.  But he missed his window for that one.  But regardless, people are a strange, myself included.  We do things that are often times unpredictable and harder to explain than long division.  I got a little delima going on.  A freind recently inherited some money, well an annuity.  He needs the money NOW but is being told he needs to leave it alone for his retirement.  Plus if he draws it out he will have to pay dear old Uncle Sam a large portion of it.  He has came to me wondering what he needs to do.  He said I don’t understand the investment (like I do) and he is about to drive himself silly with worry.  I told him to cash it out, pay off his bills and save the rest.  Regardless he is going to ahve to pay taxes on it in the long run might as well get it out of the way and get out from under his debts.  But now I am beign chastised for that cause it is going to cost him about 11k for taxes.  Well he asked and now he is pissed.  Strange, he shouldn’t have asked and I shouldn’t have advised him to do so and now I have lost a friend over it!  Go figure!  Anyway, enough about my trials and tribulations.

The weight loss is going good.  I am however still FAT just not as FAT!  LMAO.  I feel good.  Bike riding and workinig out on my Total Gym.  Muslces are toning and getting bigger and I am feeling great.  I got a reply the other day that said and I paraphrase, “Fat people are naturally happy and jolly.  So I am going to remain my natural self even though I am losing weight.  Weight loss will not cause me to change!”  Well first of all, stereo typing the FAT peopel as being “jolly”, not good.  I know a lot of FAT people who are not happy at all.  I know just about as many skinny people who are the same, they all seem like they are pissed all the time.  Back in high school I learned that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile.  That is my basis for being happy as much as possible, I hate to exercise!  So it only makes sense to me not to frown as that takes more engery!  I am not lazy I am energy efficient!  LMAO!  Seriously, you can take the time to be miserable if you want to.  Be mad at the world for not giving you breaks, for you being FAT or skinny, rich or poor.  It is an individuals choice and it is no ones place to tell them different.  I will tell you that you are wasting your time being mad at the world because it is probably your fault you are where you are at today.  It all comes down to responsiblity of your actions and accepting that place.  Like I said, I am FAT because of ME.  No one else has done this to me.  I am the only who can fix it.  I can’t blame anyone for where I am at in this world. So damnit, I had better be happy here cause there ain’t no one to point a finger at.   What about you, who put you where you are at.

Folks I gotta run.  I am going to be here all week catch my next show at……………………………ROTFLMAO

Well today is weigh in day and I am down the pound I gained back plus down another pound.   Needless to say I am happy, pleased as punch, happier than a puppy with 2 tails or whatever colorful expression you can think of.   Gonna treat myself today.  I am going to take this morning and spend it biking around town.  In other words I am not going to do anything constructive, destructive or anything whatsoever that looks like work.  This afternoon I will do what I need to and that will have to be good.  But this morning she is mine and no one else can have her!

I have always been one who doesn’t get excited over situations where most people would be running amuck and out of control.  Being in the field I was for over 20 years geared me that way.  If you are emotional in a stressful situation you will not respond accordingly in order to get through whatever it maybe.  Shortly before I got out of Law Enforcement I got asked what my seceret was.  “How do you stay so calm and appear to be un-affected by what is going on?” a newbie asked me.  I replied with, “I am no superman or hero.  I simply have a job and that job requires that I remain calm and collected regradless!  Nothing more nothing less.”   Then I showed him my seceret weapon.  Years ago I think I was about 7 or 8 my grandmother gave me a black semi-shiny rock.  It was kind of oval shaped, about the size of a large grape, smooth without flaws except for a thin surface crack.  She told me it was worry stone.  Everytime I felt like something was wrong I should hold that rock until the feeling passed.  Well for wahtever the reason it works really good.  I guess it could be a mind over matter thing but I am not for sure and certain of that and frankly I do not care.  Well a couple of years ago I lost that rock.  While I wasn’t heartbroke I was sadden by it.  While it may have been just a rock it was still special to me.   Besides I had carried it forever and had became one of my usual things like my keys, wallet, sunshades, etc.  Well I could have used it when we found out our mother was dying and probably wouldn’t make it through Thanksgiving.  It was source of comfort and I didn’t have it.  Without thought I would reach into my pocket as we sat in my mothers room watching her slowly slip towards the other the side and felt the emptiness of my pocket.  It was the day after Thanksgiving when mother died.  While it was devastating it was also a relief.  She was no longer hurting and she was with dad and that is what she wanted since the day he passed.  We had relocated all of mom’s belongings to my brothers barn and then a month later my siblings and I met there and went through her things.  That morning my brother and I was getting things going, opening the barn, moving the trailer and all and as usual we was joking and kidding about things.  He said, “Here.  I know you lost your last one!”  Handed me a small, flat shiny stone, near perfect condition with one small surface crack in it.  I could have used it back in November but I didn’t say that outloud but I did think it.  The tears welled up in my eyes, I took and said thanks.  I am not sure if he knows how much that meant to me.  At a time when we was all still greaving his thoughts was on his little brother.  Even now I get teary eyed just thinking about it.  The rock is just a rock and always will be, to most that is.  But to me, it is a place to put my worries and stress factors.  When it get full I simply shake it out and the dark fears and worries slip through the crack  and out of my life.  Now I am figureing you are thinking, “What the hell has this got to do with weight loss?”  Everything!   At night, when I can’t sleep and get up to watch t.v., that little rock has kept me from eating.  When something shows up on my emotional porch it helps keep me level.  When I get distrubing news it keeps me calm.  I think we all need something that helps keep us in a “zen” state of mind.  My rock does it for me.  Working out does it for others, spending time with kids for others.  Whatever works for you  that is your “rock”.  We need to find something to bring us to zero, that balance between up and down.  Like I stated in one of my first post, “This is a mental game!” 

Well since I have taken time out of my bike ride and glad I did I am going to close and hit the streets.  Life is good but it is only as good as you make it.  We can fill our lives with happy carefree thoughts or load it down with garbage.  It is our call.   But that isn’t something you don’t already know.   I prefer happy carefree thoughts which breed contentment.  The other can make you constipated!  Have a wonderful day and a great journey!

Food Log

Exercise Log