Taking on a new job has been both wonderous and saddening. I mean when your boss who you thought was doing such a great job ups and dies on you and then you find out that you are his replacement life is both sad and wonderful. Then you find out what state the old boss left the office in and it is a sad day. Then you find out that it is your problem and that if you don’t get it up and going in a short period of time you are going to be unemployeed. That day is even sadder. Which is exactly what happened to me but I’ll not bore you with details, I’ll just cut tot he chase.
I was told when I accepted this new job and all it’s anchors that I would recieve all the help I needed however they did not offer help with my eating disorder but they did make a reference to my weight and that they like the company imgine to represent healthy and wholesome employees. In short, my FAT is under suspect as well as my ability to perform the duties related to this “new job”. I understand that but we dump coal trains for a living and we get really dirty, we work the craziest hours and have the least amount of respect. The one thing I have found there is an abundamce of is, STRESS and MAYHEM! Which we all know what stress leads to, especially when someone has a fond affect for food! EATING, EATING, EATING!
Stress causes many problems not just over eating but also many health issues, heart attacks, blood pressure issues, achy joints, stomach problems, etc. They can also usher in mental problems as well. So learnignt o deal with the job, keep my eating under control and have some kind of private life is really taken it’s toll. I haven’t worked out in over a week and I am feeling it badly. But I guess I could be workingout instead of writing this but this too is therapy. It is a way for me to let go and return to center. Haven’t done that in a while and I am way past due. I am not going to bore you with a lot of trivial B.S. as we all have enough of that in our lives.
Just know that life in general is stressful and add to that stress thru work, family, or whatever only makes things worse. I know my private life is compromised severely in many areas. No engery for family activities, I don’t talk with my siblins like I should and my tolerance for my grandchildren is way down. They are just kids and are going to do kid type things, this I know but over the last month my tolerance for thier actions is way down and that troubles me greatly. But I work hard at staying Grampsy and deal with my feelings behind the shower curtain as I let the water cascade over me and for a short period of time in that shower all things return to center.
While my eating is somewhat out of control during my daily grind on a bright note my weight is maintaining it’s self at 264 pounds. The flip side of that coin is I am not losing but I am not gaining either. Go figure. I figure in 6 weeks when I have my inspection and hopefully pass it and get to keep my job life will return to normal, whatever that may be and I can resume my weight loss and get back in tune with ME! I am going to resume my workouts before the 6 weeks because I think that is a big factor in my keeping my sanity, what little I may have left if I ever had any to start with. The exercise is a great release of tension and anxiety and I miss it. Matter of fact I am going to do it right after I finish this thang! I just got of the phone with my boss, another ass chewing for something I didn’t know about, anyway. When he said what are you going to be doing in 45 minutes, “Why?” I asked. “I want you on a phone conference with the President and V.P of the company.” Was his response. I fired back, “Working out trying to get my FAT ASS acceptable for the company’s view of what a healthy and wholesome employee looks like!” I am guessing he felt my anger and tension cause he said maybe I might out to be on this particular conference and said, don’t worry we’ll get you in on it next week! He called back and said he didn’t appreicate my attitude but he understands and is willing to work with me. I thought Damn it, I am trying to get fired leave me alone! I know I get a bit over the top sometime and I swalloed hard and spit out an apology of which he accepted and we are now able to play together, again!
Folks, I am going to get off here so I can go workout. I need the release of endorphines and feel better about myself. I am a good person but right now I don’t feel good about ME and feeling good about ME is what I need, just as well do. So whateverit is in your life causeing you grief and misery do not let it run your life, do not let it influence who you are. I have done that and thanks to this place, today I am taking ME back over. So with no further ado I bid you all a fond farewell and good luck on your journeys.